Bah Humbug
Actually, I’m just kidding, but I really don’t like Christmas very much. Its strange, and I’m not sure where my dislike of the festive winter holiday season began. Although I suspect it was with my mother, and her predilection for decorating the house with holiday cheer starting just after Halloween…
But in reality, I think that neither of these is why I don’t like Xmas, I think it’s because the build-up never equals the delivery. All that expectation and no holiday could deliver satisfactorily, but in practice, I always find I’m underwhelmed and sad. I think this holiday also emphasizes to me the loneliness inherent in someone who loves travel and adventure and craves anonymity. Tavin and I were discussing this last night actually; one of our favorite things about living in London is NOT running into people we know all the time. This is quite strange as we are both quite gregarious, at times, but I think we both crave both the new and the different, and frankly not knowing anyone. I love being in a new city, with no friends or acquaintances. The sense of the possible outweighs the loneliness. I can’t decide if this is indicative of some sort of anti-social personality disorder of simply reflects the fact my wife and I share a desire to withdraw occasionally, though frankly we never like being in cubbies and/or caves. (Case in point, after 7 days on the island in an amazing house on the beach we are miserably bored (ok it is raining)) and are deciding how to go engage with civilization again). I think the solitude of anonymous new crowds somehow salves our need for humanity, without feeling like we need to give or take anything.
This past two years we have made and lost many friends, we have lost and made money, we have changed the nature of our lives and our careers and have lived in a foreign land, quite successfully, I’d add. In short, it’s been an interesting ride, with more of the same ahead of us. But I do still feel sometimes like we are camping out, waiting. Sitting in a safe harbor awaiting the next great adventure. But for the life of me, I cannot fathom, predict or even see what it might be. Reading all of these books
only makes me both more fearful for the future and excited in anticipation of what will come.
Back to Christmas, with two kids, young girls at that, I was hoping I’d fall in love with Christmas, showering them with presents consuming their joy. But frankly I find I want to shelter them from it, de-emphasize the holiday and in its place simply fill every day with the joy & happiness that most reserve for one or two days a year (xmas and birthdays). However, I will say, watching their eyes, as they open gifts, their anticipation of the night when Santa might find our house on the beach in St. Martin… it does make me smile, just a bit. Perhaps the sun Is warming my Grinch of a soul.
Originally posted on rxdxt.vox.com
